Content Warning: biphobia

In a recent article The Advocate published “Nine Celebs Who Fell For The Person, Not The Gender”.

This was really disappointing given how well they had been doing in regards to bisexual issues. But it’s also a learning opportunity. “I love people not genders/hearts not parts! ” is a thing I have commented on before. For a refresher see below.

Every. Single. Human. On. The. Planet. Falls for a person. This is not limited to straight people, queer people, bisexuals, pansexuals or any other group. You simply can not fall in love with a gender in the same way you can’t fall in love with any other abstract category.

I’m tired of this being used to erase people. Or create holier then thou hierarchy. This needs to end. Full stop. This concept is like poison candy. On the outside it looks and might taste sweet, but that inner taste isn’t almonds it’s arsenic.

AN: in this I use the term x-sexual. Though currently this rhetoric is disturbingly prevalent predominantly in certain circles I chose to use “x” because the logic still stands and like an 1800’s masquerade attendee idiocy changes masks often but is the same underneath so for longevity sake I use x sexual. X stands for any number of sexualities and groups that at the time might be doing a certain behavior. There are no such thing as xsexuals in reality. It is a value place holder.

”I fall in love with people not genitals!” ” x-sexuality means you fall in love with a person not their genitals/gender” or my current fav ” xsexual means you love a person for who they are.In short true love”

These are all examples of rhetoric I have seen on the web and heard in real life. I understand that this rhetoric started as a counter narrative to the heterosexist myths of over sexed gays and especially bisexuals.It did and still does work in dialog occasionally.But it has over time and with the emergence of the Anything But Bisexual (ABB) movement and the quest to be The Queerest of Them All by young newly out nonmonosexuals turned into something all together loathsome.I see slogans like this on graphics that zip across the web and paint one sexuality as better, a sexuality of ” true love!/genderblindness”!

Lets look at this again ok?

Every one of those slogans has an under current.It seems cute at first and all but underneath it is a venomous poison. If xsexuality means ” you like a person for who they are not their parts”/” it’s true love”/” fall in love with people ” that implies that all non xsexuals DO fall in live with ONLY genitals.That the love experienced by gays,lesbians,straights and bisexuals is not “true love” that love is some how lesser or fake.This includes you.This means that all non xsexuals only want sex.And if the “born this way” rhetoric often employed shortly after these statements are made, it means that forever and ever all people who are not xsexual are a lesser class of being.

Now who does that rhetoric sound like? Lesser class of person…oversexed..only want sex…can’t love…

Oh right every heterosexist bigot oppressor EVER.

So knock it off and think about what you say and who you sound like.

Before I puke all over you.


Aud Traher is a Bisexual-Trans Activist, local LGBT organizer, blogger, local craftperson and board member of BiNet USA living in working in a rural community in Western Central Pennsylvania.