There are conversations that need to be had about people who ‘pass’ as straight (inc. MOGAI people in het-perceived relationships) but the reason multisexual/asexual/aromantic people get so fucking mad every time monoromantic monosexual people bring this shit up is that it’s almost always used as a bludgeon to beat us out of the MOGAI community (not that you’re in a rush to include us in your shit anyway but there we go).
Yes, people in het-appearing relationships don’t risk being beat up/murdered for holding their partners hand.
But at the same time, bi people of all genders (but esp. bi women) are at higher risk of intimate partner violence/abuse if they’re with someone of a different gender. (can’t speak for other multisexual/multiromantic/aro/ace spectrum identities)
That shit’s not a privilege. And if you even begin to think some victim blaming BS about ‘well maybe they shouldn’t date people like that then’ go stand on a lego piece then fall in a pile of nettles because you are an abuse-apologist piece of shit.
The conversation needs to be had. But it ought to include gender-conforming gay men and lesbians who are also read as straight until they do something explicitly queer coded.
It ought to include closeted MO (marginalised orienations) people who don’t correct people who read them at straight.
It also ought to include the way that women in relationships with other women are often read as straight even when they’re hugging, holding hands, kissing.
It should also include people in het-perceived relationships/marriages who aren’t attracted (romantically, sexually or otherwise) to their partners because, guess what? They’re also ‘pass’ for straight.
Unless the conversation about ‘straight passing’ includes all these people who, technically, ‘pass’ as straight then it’s just a way to abuse multisexual/aro/ace/trans people and push them out of so-called ‘LGBT’ spaces.
M. E is a Black British polyamorous bisexual cis woman and final year history student. She's a feminist/womanist, makeup enthusiast, vegan foodie and budding activist.
Second generation British-Nigerian fat agender person. Style enthusiast, decent baker and lazy poet.
Find me on instagram @mazisahedgehog