It began when I was a teen, I didn't want people to know I wasn't straight,
So I used denials, evasions, lies and deflections to throw people off,
But in doing so I was unknowingly placing weights around my neck,
And as the years of denials became decades they began to crush my soul.
They crushed my confidence, 
They crushed my self-worth
They crushed my capacity for love and finally 
They forced me onto my knees then onto the ground.
I couldn't get up, they were so heavy that I felt it would have been better to let them destroy me.
I had been crushed to the point where I felt that if I disappeared from the world no one would care or even notice, some might have been relieved.
I felt I had no value, I felt I had no worth, the world had lost all of its life and colour.

Then just as I was about to give in, I reached out to a friend and told her I was bisexual, she accepted me without judging and suddenly I felt the first weight come off.
Telling others enabled me to remove more of them, 
I could get to up onto my knees, then stand.
I realised I matter, I am loved, I have value and friends who love and care about me.
I can know stand tall and declare proudly that I am Bisexual and commence my journey to becoming the person I've always wanted to be.
The weights are gone.

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Philip Nicholls is an Australian bi poet keen to share his personal journey with the world.